2022 Bear Hunt Day 1 - The Weight of the World

Without going into the painful details, I've had canine issues which have beyond overwhelming this year.  I've been doing everything I can to resolve this, but too much is out of my control.  I feel intensely guilty about taking off for a week even though nothing is really happening right now and SO is perfectly capable of handling what is going on.  I'm hoping that taking a few days to drive north will allow me to build a wall of perspective against this reality.

So after a week spent split between working from home and the office, I got the lawn mowed Thursday.  In order to keep the good dog (not the problematic one) happy, I worked from home for a few hours Friday before finishing my day in the office.  Since I was leaving right from work, I wore some not-so-good jeans and a T-shirt, making me feel a bit self-conscious.  In reality, no one noticed, not even my immediate manager when we had a quick conversation before I left.  Around 12:30 I fired up my OoO notification and was out the door.

Normally when I leave work on an epic adventure I feel like I'm levitating - especially when I get my inbox to where I want it to be.  Since this year has ground me like a mortar, I felt like I had the weight of a world on my shoulders - maybe not the entire Earth, but a world.  I needed that perspective.  Since I got out when I wanted to, I was able to take my time driving.  Getting around Indianapolis was only terrible, not worse, but as usual, I-74 west if Indy opened up with little traffic.

I was listening to Jonathon Franzen's How to be Alone.  My Boss' Boss recommended him but his fiction looked painful (especially to someone who rarely reads fiction).  It was a good mix given my mood.  The first essay on his father's dementia and death was powerfully raw.  Some of the language in the book is quite dated - which may be expected in a book which was published 20 years ago.  I find it terrifying soul-crushing that 2002 was 20 years ago.  The Harper Essay displayed a distinct lack of comprehension, like Mr. Franzen lives on another plane somewhere.  I felt sorry for him...  

Last year I was exceedingly anxious since COVID restrictions had only recently been eased and getting across the border required regimented procedures.  This year, because of the canine issues it hardly even feels like I'm going bear hunting.  I've had the requisite target shooting sessions and lists and plans to get ready, but today I was just driving.  I'm looking forward to the northy looking areas I'll see on the following day.

My mood had lightened a little bit by the time I got to El Paso.  A quick fuel up and I found my hotel - they don't give much for a cheap room including no refrigerator.  And I couldn't see my truck from the window so I felt safer hauling all my crap up.  For the price, all is good.

A noodle bowl for dinner followed by some half-melted Ding Dongs (I wish they sold these without the self-loathing) rounded out the day.